Pumping Panic

OK, not a full-blown panic, but a mini-panic. When I first started back at work, I could easily pump 20+ ounces while away from my baby.

Over the past three weeks I've really noticed a drop-off, and today I only got 15.5 ounces out of my four pump sessions.

Now although we haven't dipped into the freezer stash at all yet, and what I'm pumping seems to be enough each day for Cayden, I'm concerned nonetheless. I don't want my supply to tank because I'm away from him, and I'm terrified of starting to defrost little milk baggies. I'd much rather the babysitters send home four to six ounces each day, like they were in the beginning.

Probably irrational concerns, but the decreasing pump production has weighed on my mind a lot lately.

So I've started chugging water at work, I'm returning to my once-daily oatmeal habit, I changed the little white thingies on the bottom of my pump flanges (maybe that's why six of them came with the pump??) and I ordered a near three-month supply of fenugreek, all in an effort to boost my supply.

If I start smelling like pancakes in the next few days, don't worry -- that means I'm getting the right amount of fenugreek. When it's saturating your system to effectively boost milk production, a person's pee and sweat will smell like maple syrup. Yummm.

And I'm looking forward to group on Thursday to ask Mary and the gals if this could be a natural reaction to his demand for milk. I seem to match what he takes in each day, so maybe his appetite has decreased over the past couple of weeks? That seems strange to me, though -- why would he eat less as he got older? Because he's not growing as fast as he was in the first three months? Hopefully I'll find answers on Thursday, or maybe on Friday at our four-month well visit with Dr. Baker.

On a completely unrelated topic, here's a picture of Cayden's now nearly-bald-except-for-two-ridiculously-long-patches-of-hair head. Compare that to the beautiful full-head swirl from just shy of 12 weeks. Oh I miss his beautiful dark hair, but I kinda wish what is left would just fall out already, so we can start over fresh, and all one decent-looking length. But I'm too chicken-shit to cut or shave his hair, for fear I'll be the horrible mom who did a hack-job on her innocent baby.

Sleep: a Love/Hate Relationship

So I really, really hate that we've turned Cayden into a bad sleeper (took 35 minutes to get him asleep at bedtime last night, then he woke at 12:30, 4 and 5:45), but I can't help but love the early morning snuggles I get to enjoy when I bring him to bed with me at his last morning wake-up. He cuddles right under my chin and sleeps so contently for about an hour. His head, although now goofily covered with patches of long hair, is the softest, best-smelling thing ever.

Sigh. This weekend we may bite the bullet and try progressive waiting, although I'm waiting to talk to Dr. Baker on Friday, first.

I know it will be better for all of us in the long run; Chicken Wing doesn't enjoy getting so upset at night either, and I'm sure he'll get better rest when he knows how to put himself back to sleep.

Four Months Old

Here's my not-so-little boy today, on his four month birthday. Working on his second tooth already (you can see it just under the surface, so I think it will pop through in a day or so), and now into his 9 to 12 month clothes.

OMG, Thanksgiving CUTENESS!!!

Maybe this Ferber guy knows what he's talking about

So we're only a coupole chapters into Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, but we're convinced we have turned Cayden into the poor sleeper he is.

Why? Because we do exactly what the doc recommends against, but the only things that would get him to sleep in the early months: nursing, rocking, patting and bouncing him to sleep in our arms, then sneaking him into his crib once he's out. The good doc says that when the baby wakes up between natural sleep cycles and finds he's in a different place and none of the conditions that put him to sleep are present any more, he gets upset and cries for us to recreate those conditions. Each. Time. He. Wakes. But he also becomes afraid of these night wakenings where things are no longer as they should be in his mind, so he starts resisting bedtime.

Yeah, that's our baby. A baby with bad sleep associations. Apparently he needs to learn how to fall asleep on his own. It will make sleep more comforting, peaceful and restful for him, and it will mean less getting out of bed at night for us.

We're not quite ready to dive into the "progressive waiting approach" (aka "cry it out"), but we did try a couple of new things last night, encouraged by the fact that Cayden has occasionallly fallen asleep on his own for naps. (Ferber says that means he already has a jump start on learning to fall asleep on his own at bedtime.

1. We fed him a while before bedtime (7:30), so he doesn't keep associating eating with sleeping.
2. We did bathtime earlier, too, since it's more exciting than relaxing for our kid.
3. We kept him up a bit later than usual (8:30), so we knew he was good and tired. Although he didn't fuss about it.
4. Then, when he started rubbing his eyes and yawning, we took him to his room and had some quiet playtime in his crib, sans swaddle. That's so he gets used to it as a comforting place.
5. Gave him his blankie and decided to see what happened.

And wouldn't you know it, after about 10 minutes the kid started putting himself to sleep! Dad patted his butt a little bit, but we left the room while he was still drowsy (another Ferber rec.) just before 9, and he didn't cry at all for half an hour. The he bruitsed a little bit, so dad went back in and patted his butt at 9:30 for a few more minutes.

Now Ferber recommends AGAINST going back in and comforting when a baby is only fussing a bit, and the butt-patting is another no-no. But we're approaching this thing in baby steps. Heck, we didn't even know we were going to start Ferberizing last night until we realized he wasn't screaming when we put him in his crib for quiet play time.

And he was out. Until 12:50 a.m. Now he hadn't eaten for more than five hours at that point, so I think it was a pretty good stretch, considering he wasn't swaddled.

So I fed him (15 minutes) and put him in his sleep sack (it was too late for the sleep sack when we realized he was putting himself to sleep earlier in the night, and we didn't want to disturb his progression to dreamland). So down he went in the crib for the second time, drowsy but still awake. And he fell back asleep -- no swaddle, no bouncing, no rocking (but OK, a few more butt pats) -- in minutes. I was back in bed at 1:13, less than 25 minutes after I got up.

AND THEN HE DIDN'T WAKE UP UNTIL 5:50 A.M.!!!

At which point I brought him in bed with me to nurse, so that I could sleep in with him a few minutes rather than get up on time and feed him just before I left for the day. Hey, excessive feeding and feeding on demand are addressed by Ferber in chapters I haven't read, yet.

We realize this was only one night, but his apparent ability to put himself to sleep and his responsiveness to a little sleep training have given Brian and I great hope. Hope that the thrice-nightly wakings to settle the baby will come to an end sooner, rather than later; and hope that maybe we won't have to resort to cry it out if these little adaptations work.

Regardless, my baby put himself to sleep in the crib for the first time last night, and it was the first time in a week or so that I wasn't out of bed three times at night.

Cayden is three months and four weeks old.

A year ago today

I remember like yesterday the Monday before Thanksgiving last year.

But it seems like forever ago. How did one year, a whole pregnancy and raising an infant for almost four months go by so quickly?

Kind of bittersweet to remember the excitement of last Thanksgiving.

I just whimpered to Brian Saturday night (after discovering the tooth and watching baby hold his own bottle while drinking) that I feel like Cayden is growing up too fast and he'll turn 18 any day now.

Darned if those baby books weren't right.

The past few days of sleep struggles suddenly make sense. As I typed yesterday morning, Cayden was working on a developmental leap.

Last night -- after an hour of nearly inconsolable crying -- we discovered his first tooth, peeking out just right of center on his bottom gum.

My baby cut his first tooth at three months, three weeks and three days old.

Jess promises what while teething is never fun, the first tooth is the worst.

Sleep Status

Last week's development and what we assumed was progress seems to be a one-time deal, at least for now.

Each night this past week Cayden woke three times to eat. A couple of times I tried to convince him he didn't need to eat, but his screaming protests assured me otherwise. And that's fine; I'm used to his thrice-nightly feedings, and I've figured out how to get the sleep I need.

However, putting him down for bed has suddenly taken a turn for the worse in the last week. Whereas he used to get very drowsy while nursing, then go down on the first try and stay asleep for four hours at bedtime, he now does none of that. As soon as I put him on my shoulder to burp him after his bedtime snack, he becomes alert and inquisitive again. And now it takes two or three tries to get him to go to sleep: bouncing to drowsy, then in the crib ... fussing ... back out and bouncing to drowsy, then in the crib ... fussing back out and standing and swaying to drowsy, then in the crib ... You get the picture.

And the best part (note the dripping sarcasm), is that now he consistently wakes up every hour between bedtime and his first feeding! So we now do this putting-baby-to-sleep dance three or four times before midnight. Definitely a team effort between Brian and I.

We tried abandoning the swaddle again earlier this week, but we're back to using it. Even if he has almost completely outgrown it's length.

And we tried bumping bedtime up to 7:30, hoping the whole earlier-to-bed, later-to-rise baby sleep pattern would take. But the earlier bedtime did nothing but piss him off and stress us out for an hour, until he fell asleep between 8:30 and 9, like he usually does.

Uggh. All the books say to maintain hope: what seems to be a developmental setback often precedes a real leap forward.

Here's hoping for that leap. And hey -- if it doesn't come, we've only got about another month until we're comfortable with Cayden's ability to handle Ferberizing, which has turned Kyra and Avery into great sleepers, their moms tell me.

Cayden is three months, three weeks and three days old.

A complete 360

Last night (3 months, 3 weeks old), Grammy said Cayden rolled from back to belly, twice. Grandude said he couldn't remember if it was back to belly or belly to back, but Grammy was sure it was back to belly, because he started fussing once he realized his one arm was lodged underneath him.

And then he did the roll for Dad tonight -- twice -- and finally Mama caught the third (or fifth) back-to-belly roll.

So now he can do a complete 360, since he started rolling belly-to-back back in month two. Granted, he doesn't roll all that often, but I wonder when he'll realize that he can go the whole way 'round and start rolling across the living room floor.

And once he gets good at the rolla and figures out how to pull that arm out from underneath him, I think he may start sleeping better, too. Because he really does nap well on his tummy, or so I'm told. Hey, once he puts himself on his tummy, then I'll be ok with him sleeping that way at night.

Melt my heart

This is exactly what I was hoping for from Scott today. He perfectly captured the intimacy Cayden and I share every day when he nurses. I wanted so badly to preserve that face I look down on every day, because all too soon these perfect moments will be gone for good. And I doubt you can see it in this small image, but my face is actually reflected in Cayden's eye in this photo. This one will definitely be a large print in our house.


Edit: Neither of us could decide if we liked the color or b/w version of this best. I chose color for here, and it looks like Scott chose b/w for his site. Check the alternative out. Warning: most of his work is not safe for viewing in most workplaces.

And one more from today's session. We're saving the rest for holiday cards. Hey, it was a visit to Scott's studio; you know somebody is getting naked.

Those parents

You know, the ones who talk about their baby as if he's the only baby to reach certain milestones so early. Whose sarcastic remarks reveal their not-so-thinly veiled delight in their baby's impressive growth and size.

Those parents. The ones who take a bazillion pictures and want to show them all to the world, even though very few people in the world are actually interested in seeing them. Or at least that many of them.

Those parents. The ones who dress their kids up in ridiculous outfits that will surely be cause for great teenage embarrassment and spite someday.

Those parents.

Yeah, we've become those parents that used to annoy me so much. But hey, at least we're fully aware of our dillusions.

Gettin' Stuff Done

Before I returned to work I had become a pro at multi-tasking while pumping. I could pump, nurse the baby, eat a snack and read a magazine all at one time.

Now I've learned to multi-task at work, and I can talk on the phone, e-mail and edit copy, all while pumping. One-handed peck-typing is frustrating, but it's more productive than staring at baby pictures for 15 minutes!

And here are a couple of the great inventions that help us to get things done around the house.

The Bumbo chair, which helps Cayden build muscles while we cook dinner.


And my Baby Balboa sling, which enables me to do dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc. And it's the recommended mode of transport for Chicken Wing during flu season, so he's not exposed to dirty shopping carts and over-eager baby lovers who feel it's appropriate to touch a baby in a car seat.


Funny, how so many baby gadgets start with the letter "B".

College Football

Mama hates that Cayden is so enthralled with the TV and tries to turn him away from it whenever possible. Dad thinks it's funny that he's already a fan of college football.

An interesting development Re: sleeping and nursing

So last night I had a couple of glasses of wine during Grey's. No big deal, because Cayden went down shortly after 8, so I figured I had until 12:30 for the juice to be out of my system before I fed him.

Then he woke up at 11:30. Damn. So rather than give him a bottle, I decided to try something new: I bounced him for a while to drowsy, then went into the living room with him. Put him in his rocker with the calming vibrations turned on, and I rocked him, while laying on the couch. The goal was to get him to 12:30 or 1 a.m., when I would nurse him.

Worked like a charm. In no time, he was out, and so was I. Then he started fussing a little while later, so I took him back in the nursery to feed him and put him back in his crib. Thought it was a little funny that my right boob was very swollen and a little painful, but I thought -- hey, maybe milk production is just up tonight. When I walked in the door to Cayden's room, the glowing blue light from the clock radio informed me it was 4:15 IN THE MORNING!!!

Lesson learned? That little crapper does NOT need to eat every three hours as he's had me convinced for weeks. Rather, he can apparently go eight hours between feedings at night, and he simply needs to be put back to sleep! What a little fibber. Or maybe a silly Mama, for not trying something different, sooner.

Same thing happened when he woke at 5:55 a.m. I went in the nursery, and instead of putting him to the boob like I have done every morning for weeks, I bounced him back to drowsy, then put him in his swing. Where he slept until 8 a.m., when I had to wake him because I thought my left boob was going to explode.

So last night, at about three and a half months old, Cayden woke three times as usual, but he ate only once. Maybe if he starts learning that he doesn't get food every time he wakes up, he'll just stay sleeping through that 11:30 p.m. and 5 to 6 a.m. waking. Hopefully it's not an aversion to the crib that wakes him up. But we'll address that issue another time, after he learns Mama is not an all-night buffet.

This makes me so happy

Within the last couple of weeks -- somewhere around 3 months old -- Cayden has really started looking around with amazement and curiosity. Imagine my delight when I picked him up, put him on his feet on his changing table and realized how excited and enthralled he is with the bulletin board I made him months before he arrived. He loves it! My hard work and craftiness resulted in more than just wall art; that bulletin board is a visual extravaganza for my little boy's growing brain!

He's also a big fan of the tree on his nursey wall and animal burp cloth Ruth got him in Canada. I layed the cloth over the top of the glider, so Cayden stares and smiles at it when I burp him over my shoulder in the chair.

two fingers

Not of tequila or scotch, like Dad likes, but rather soothing fingers.

This past week Cayden started trading out his thumb every now and then for two fingers to suck and self-soothe. Dad was a thumb-sucker and Mama sucked her pointer and middle fingers, but Chicken Wing is going for his middle and ring fingers -- the same fingers Uncle Jeff used to suck!

Thanks, Grammas!

This weekend I finally downloaded all the pictures of Cayden from both Grandma's cameras, and we got some great new shots!!

These were the ones I was really hoping for, since we obviously weren't taking pictures at the baptism. Aunt Lauren got some good ones, but these take the cake!

Thanks to Grandma Connie we now have a picture to put in the beautiful baptism frame Paul and Deb got for Cayden.


And thanks to Grandma Barb, we have a good family photo. Or as good as you can get when your baby is sleeping and screwing his mush up.

symptoms of teething

Excessive drool: Check.
Putting things in mouth and chewing: Check.

Now, all three-month olds do both of these and they're not reliable signs of teething, so I have been reluctant to agree when all the grandparents tell me Cayden is teething.

But yesterday, after Chicken Wing woke up from a 30-minute nap screaming and continued to cry while he nursed, I opened his mouth to find a little white spot on his lower gum. Not a tooth, but as soon as I found it Brian went online to look up symptoms of teething. Now these, I had not known about:

Ear pulling: Check. He's been pulling on his right ear for a few days. I was actually worried he had an ear infection.

More frequent stools: Check. After weeks of pooping every few days, yesterday he went three times in 24 hours.

And the little white dot on the gums: Check. Incidentally, it's on the same side as the ear he's been pulling.

Only time will tell, but we've got the baby Tylenol on the ready, and the teething toys are now in the freezer. He's a little over three months and one week old.

Sigh. I guess my baby isn't really into staying a baby. Good for him, I guess, but a little sad for me.

Here's my strong boy standing on his changing table this morning.

And yesterday.



And pulling his ear.


And this is what I found when I came up from putting laundry in yesterday afternoon. Crack me up. Pun intended. No idea how or why he got the back of his dipey pulled down so far.

Balding & Blowout updates

First, while my hair loss has slowed to normal pre-pregnancy shedding rates, Cayden is now really losing his beautiful black hair. There's a stripe of hair on his crib sheet(looks like Hercules dragged his butt puff across there, but I know he didn't), and now whenever I kiss the kid with lip gloss on, I get a mouthful of hair stuck to my lips.

It's starting to look not so cute. :( I just hope his hair figures out what it's doing in the next couple of weeks, before our family portraits with Scott Church on the 19th. We may have a bald baby by Christmas.

And on the poop front: this morning's blowout was completely army green, not French's yellow. Not sure how or why, but his poop has changed color.

I'll take it

Chicken Wing only slept in three-hour windows last night, but he did three of them instead of his usual three-hour, three-hour, one-hour, one-hour crap.

So he ended up staying in his crib until my wake-up time, shortly before 6:30 a.m.

It was nice not having to get up at 3:30 a.m., then again at 5 a.m. to bring him into bed with me. When he woke up at 5 a.m. this morning, he quickly soothed himself and put himself back to sleep. Or at least I assume so, because he quit whining pretty quickly.

Hey, I'll take it. He's three months and a week old.

Stand Tall

Within the past two weeks Cayden started standing. With support for balance, of course, but he holds his own weight. While a week ago he'd buckle at the knees after a few minutes, now he holds himself upright for long periods of time.

He's just shy of 14 weeks.

And here's a photo of my big baby. Compare this one to his one-month bath shot.