Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Pregnant Bridesmaid

I'll be the first to admit I was more than a bit nervous about how this past weekend would go, considering I've never been an eight-month pregnant bridesmaid before.

But I'm happy to report things went better than I thought they would, and I kind of impressed myself with my constant energy, unwavering patience and nearly permanent smile.

First of all, Friday was a marathon day at work, full of the kinds of crazy-stupid things that would naturally only come along when I'm the only one in the office. Really -- a police incident, an unexpected press release and a frustrating bureau screw-up, all in one day? So by 5 p.m. I was irritated, tired and worn-looking.

Didn't get to gussy-up for Nicole and Will's rehearsal and dinner like I had hoped to. Although there are electrical outlets in the ladies bathroom on our floor, I came to find out they have ALL BEEN DISABLED. And let's just say that trying to curl my hair in my office, using only a compact mirror, did not prove a success. Oh well, at least my skirt was cute.

Brian and I ended up five minutes late and the last to arrive at the rehearsal. But the rehearsal went smoothly, and the dinner following was nice. I knew Saturday would be a very long day, so we headed home before it got too late and were in bed by 11 p.m. or so.

Although I was nervous that fatigue may set in sometime on Saturday, I'm thrilled to have made it from 7 a.m. Saturday to 2 a.m. Sunday without ever hitting a wall. I was so glad to be able to enjoy all the hectic excitement and even more proud of myself for making it more than six hours in my four-inch stilettos before succumbing to toe pain and switching to flip flops. :)

I guess the adrenaline kept me going, and I didn't even yawn once until we headed to the Sheraton bar after midnight.

I did, however experience one touchy moment at the reception, the kind of "what did we get ourselves into" moment that made me sad, scared and desperate for my pre-pregnancy life, all at the same time. I was watching the rest of the bridesmaids and the older cousins dance and sing like crazy on the dance floor, when all of a sudden I couldn't keep the tears from bursting from behind my eyes and wondered to Brian if I'd ever be able to be drunk, silly and care-free at a wedding again, or if those days had passed me by for good. You know, since from here on out I'm a mother, with mature responsibilities and a new life of which to be ever-mindful.

Things will never be the same as they were pre-baby, and the "growing up" aspect of this life-change makes me wonder about other unknown sacrifices I've never had to consider heretofore. I know these sacrifices will pale in comparison to the new joys that will overwhelm us in the next few weeks, but I can't help but fear the loss of my fun, young self and long for one more opportunity to party too hard as a gal without serious responsibility.

But I guess that's all part of the process of growing a family -- redefining our expectations, values and ideas of normalcy. I'm guessing that by August 1, the day one of Brian's college friends marries and celebrates with a wedding reception, I won't care at all that I probably won't be able to make the trip, or that if I can make the trip, I'll only attend the ceremony and leave Brian to attend the reception by himself.

At least I hope so. But boy it's hard right now to appreciate lessons I have yet to learn from experiences I anticipate having.

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